October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. When I first got pregnant back in 2011, I didn’t even know I wanted to be pregnant. Suddenly, I was pregnant and planning my life as a mother. I started to dream about the life I would have with my unborn child. Holidays, vacations, day-to-day life, it all seemed like a magical gift I didn’t even know I wanted. I was 12-weeks pregnant and on vacation in New York City when I started to bleed. I tried to tell myself it was normal, a bit of bleeding in pregnancy can be normal and to stop worrying. I knew deep down something was not right, but I tried to keep a smile on my face and have a good time. I was in New York City, I mean, I had to have a good time.
When I got home a few days later, I got in to see my midwife right away. I had an ultrasound which confirmed something I wasn’t expecting, I was pregnant with twins! Although I was measuring a bit earlier than previously assumed, they assured me everything was fine. I didn’t know what to do with this information. On the one hand I was shocked. I hadn’t been ready for one child, but now two, and on the other hand I was going to be a mother to twins and was super excited. But I knew something still wasn’t right. Call it women’s intuition, or whatever you want, I knew it was all too good to be true.
A few days later I woke up at 4am with very intense contracting pain and bleeding. I was confident at this point I was losing this pregnancy. My dreams of twin strollers and thoughts on their genders disappeared that night on my bathroom floor as I lost my pregnancy. The pain was intense. I now know the pain was like one long labour contraction with no breaks. I have birthed two children naturally at home since this painful night, and I still believe this pain was worse. This pain was depressing. This pain did not have the ending where the pain stopped, and I got to hold my beautiful new child. This pain ended with the end of this short chapter of my life. With the loss of my two little angels, and the magical life I had shortly believed would come true.
I went to work the next day in a bit of a blur. I saw patients and tried to put the horrible night behind me. That night I went to bed in mourning. Little did I know I would have to repeat the process once again that night, as I lost my other little angel again in my bathroom, in the middle of the night with my husband and dog by my side.
After an ultrasound and bloodwork confirmed I was no longer pregnant I knew with my whole heart I wanted to be a mother, and I wanted to be a mother soon. I knew I would never forget the two children I would never meet. I also knew with certainty that I did NOT want to live through another miscarriage.
1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage, with 85% ending in the first trimester. I was lucky, 6 months later I was pregnant again and this time it ended with me holding my perfect little girl in the comfort of my bed.
As a Naturopath, I want you to experience the joys of having a baby. I learned after that miscarriage there are so many ways to help reduce the risks of miscarriage. There are diet and lifestyle factors that can help improve the success rates of a pregnancy. There is acupuncture and supplements that can help you reach the end finish line with a beautiful baby. If you are struggling, please reach out. Although some pregnancies are not viable and unfortunately will end in miscarriage, that does not have to be the end for all women with recurrent miscarriages. If you would like to meet to discuss how I may be able to help you reach your due date, please call the book yourself in for a 15-minute health consult.
By: Dr. Jennifer Hendry-Lynn ND